I've been spoiled. I'm one those single moms who actually receives her child support and receives it on or before the day it is due every single month. I know, shocking. Kind of like finding out that Big Foot really does exist.
When negotiating my divorce agreement I fought in court like a pissed off mama bear that had just been slapped. I made sure that my ex-husband also had to pay for half of our daughters childcare expenses as well as the full cost of her health insurance. I felt like he should - he knocked up office whore so why should I get stuck with the full cost of daycare and our daughters health insurance when I had to go back to work. He far out earned me and no way in Hell was I going to let him leave me struggling while he ran off to his new family.
Correction. I thought of almost everything. It took me almost six years to realize I should have had a plan to expect the unexpected. You know, like pretty much every one else except me has.
I received an email Mother's Day weekend from my ex telling me that he had lost his long time job at a major Japanese corporation and that he'd filed for unemployment. Health insurance gone. Daycare expenses.... Pfffft. And that was the moment I wanted to puke because it's didn't matter how iron clad I had made my divorce agreement in the areas that affected my daughter most I didn't plan for this and that was my fault. I couldn't blame him, the only one to blame was me. I didn't have a disaster backup plan and I was even a girl scout. I knew if I lost my job my company offers a great severance package. I never thought to worry about his job. Damn.
After I stopped rocking in the corner of my room, receptively chanting "holy shitballs" over and over I decided I better sit down and get my shitballs together and map this out because this problem isn't going to solve itself. I can't Scarlet O'Hara "fiddle dee dee" my way out of this bitch. This part is fun, it's totally like high school algebra
It's ok though. No really, I finally moved on from chanting "holly shitballs" to researching generic alcohol and they totally do make generic booze so really everything is going to be fine. My grandmother survived the dust bowl so I can survive going from not having to think twice about what I buy at the grocery store to not being able to pay all of my expenses without child support and half of daycare and the cost of insurance. Yeah, that's where you're supposed to slap me because I've been such an asshole and now I know it. I've had it good, I've been lucky and I've been blessed when so many single moms struggle and don't ever see these things. It's made me an asshole and I'm sorry. I've become so used to checks like clockwork that even mentioning this knowing how many of you are left with nothing just makes me hate myself a little bit more.
Annnnnnnd then I had to buy generic toilet paper. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can prepare you for the asstastic horror that is generic toilet paper.
Holy shitballs. Holy shitballs. Holy shitballs.
....Coming up next post: Generic pasta sauce and why licking a bum's ass would be tastier.
PS. I was nominated for this Top 25 Single Parent Blog thingy and if you click here and press the "vote" button that would be a moment of pure super duper in my week of just plain old dupe. Clearly this post indicates I'm not a very well prepared single parent and quite possibly a huge asshole but you know - it's free and shit. And then while you're there go check out some of the more-awesome-than-my-blog single parent blogs - you know - by the ones who actually do have their shit together right now.