April 2, 2012

Ten minute bullshit lunch time post #2

So Tori Spelling is pregnant. Again. Am I the only one that immediately thinks of Dean McDermott's ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace, and wonder how much wine she must be going through each time that chick that banged her husband pees on a stick and it turns blue? I'm sorry, I'm bad. I know. I'm OK with that. I think Tori and Dean are entertaining and I have to admit I've watched their show and actually, without wanting to... liked them. I have to remind myself what cheating dick heads they were and then I snap out of it. Love/Hate Love/Hate Love/Hate. Shit, now I need a glass of wine and I'm stuck at work. Fuck you Tori Spelling. If you're going to be a home wrecker please make it easier to not like you because now I'm tortured with guilt. Thanks.

Alicia Silverstone. What. The. Fuck. I'm sorry, but she chews her kid's food and spits it in his mouth? I can't even watch the video of this making the rounds on the Internet. I'm sorry, but this freaks me out more than creepy dancing baby videos. I mean if she doesn't even make that kid chew his own food I can't even begin to imagine the horror that will unfold during potty training. I mean what the hell, is she going to be his fluffer on prom night too? Oh yes, I did just say that. Ok, fine, so he's a baby and it's cute to some but the greatest shocker here is that she didn't have at least one friend that pulled her aside and told her she might want to keep that to herself. Man, her friends must be real bitches.

A few weeks ago I read the three books in the Fifty Shades trilogy. I'm thinking about doing a quasi legitimate post on this but I'm too busy casting the film in my head right now and letting my Nook rest for round two. I think I might possibly have to do a post on this just so I can find other women who have read the trilogy but also don't have anyone else they know to talk about it with. Of course women everywhere are reading it but few women out in the non-virtual world are ballsy enough to admit it let alone discuss it. Which reminds me - mom if you're reading this post do us both a favor and pretend like you didn't. OK? Thanks.

Awkward.

You know what else is awkward? Spending four years making fun of your Twilight loving friends, including your best friend of twenty-five years, and then finally watching Breaking Dawn and being all whoa-wait-a-minute-they-actually-do-IT-in-this-one-and-Bella-turns-into-a-vampire-and-then-it-ends-and-OH-MY-GOD-I-HAVE-TO-KNOW-WHAT-HAPPENS-NEXT and then you end up being the asshole that made fun of the assholes that loved Twilight and end up buying the Breaking Dawn book and reading it just from the middle to the end because you couldn't wait to find out what happened to vampy Bella because NOW this shit gets interesting. Yes, that was the worlds longest run on sentence. So what man, I just admitted to now liking Twilight which would then mean I'd be a TwiMom? Oh Hell no. I'm too old for this shit.

Back to work.

10 comments:

  1. Oh great... I will probably become THAT person too... once I actually see Twilight :/

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    1. Please don't make me be this person alone. Please. I beg. Not only did I read the second half of the last book (which was the only one of the series I read) but THEN I went online and read the unpublished and leaked partial draft for what was going to be a fifth book - Midnight Sun. Yes, I became THAT person. Siiiiggghhhhh.

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  2. What rock have I been under? Tori's preggo again?

    I haven't watched Twilight either, but I have made fun of everyone who has. Wait, am I now making fun of you?

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    1. Yes, she's preggo again and she just had a baby like five minutes ago. And yes, you are allowed to make fun of me now. It's my penance for making fun of women for their love of the Twi for the past four years. I'm not going to camp out anywhere to see a premier but I would totally molest that R Patz if I ran into him and was slick enough to slip him a roofie. I'm totally kidding. I would never roofie him. Probably.No, no, no I'm kidding. Sigh.

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  3. Still a hold out on Twilight. However.... sooooo on the same page about Alicia Silverstone with you. GROSS! And, I have two children that I absolutely would die for, but you won't find me chewing up their food for them!

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    1. I know, I feel like an idiot. Maybe it was the hot vamp on mortal love scene or the fact that the idea of taking a character that I always so before as kind of irritating and making her a bad ass with cool tricks that got me. I'm a sucker.

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  4. UGH!!! All I can think about whenever I hear about how happy Tori and Dean are is his poor ex-wife and, even worse, his poor kids from his first marriage. They are both so disgusting.

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  5. Loved the 50 shades series... Post away!

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  6. Loved the 50 shades series... Post away!

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  7. u seem to be good mum, keep it up
    http://babyshakur.blogspot.com

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