So Tori Spelling is pregnant. Again. Am I the only one that immediately thinks of Dean McDermott's ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace, and wonder how much wine she must be going through each time that chick that banged her husband pees on a stick and it turns blue? I'm sorry, I'm bad. I know. I'm OK with that. I think Tori and Dean are entertaining and I have to admit I've watched their show and actually, without wanting to... liked them. I have to remind myself what cheating dick heads they were and then I snap out of it. Love/Hate Love/Hate Love/Hate. Shit, now I need a glass of wine and I'm stuck at work. Fuck you Tori Spelling. If you're going to be a home wrecker please make it easier to not like you because now I'm tortured with guilt. Thanks.
Alicia Silverstone. What. The. Fuck. I'm sorry, but she chews her kid's food and spits it in his mouth? I can't even watch the video of this making the rounds on the Internet. I'm sorry, but this freaks me out more than creepy dancing baby videos. I mean if she doesn't even make that kid chew his own food I can't even begin to imagine the horror that will unfold during potty training. I mean what the hell, is she going to be his fluffer on prom night too? Oh yes, I did just say that. Ok, fine, so he's a baby and it's cute to some but the greatest shocker here is that she didn't have at least one friend that pulled her aside and told her she might want to keep that to herself. Man, her friends must be real bitches.
A few weeks ago I read the three books in the Fifty Shades trilogy. I'm thinking about doing a quasi legitimate post on this but I'm too busy casting the film in my head right now and letting my Nook rest for round two. I think I might possibly have to do a post on this just so I can find other women who have read the trilogy but also don't have anyone else they know to talk about it with. Of course women everywhere are reading it but few women out in the non-virtual world are ballsy enough to admit it let alone discuss it. Which reminds me - mom if you're reading this post do us both a favor and pretend like you didn't. OK? Thanks.
You know what else is awkward? Spending four years making fun of your Twilight loving friends, including your best friend of twenty-five years, and then finally watching Breaking Dawn and being all whoa-wait-a-minute-they-actually-do-IT-in-this-one-and-Bella-turns-into-a-vampire-and-then-it-ends-and-OH-MY-GOD-I-HAVE-TO-KNOW-WHAT-HAPPENS-NEXT and then you end up being the asshole that made fun of the assholes that loved Twilight and end up buying the Breaking Dawn book and reading it just from the middle to the end because you couldn't wait to find out what happened to vampy Bella because NOW this shit gets interesting. Yes, that was the worlds longest run on sentence. So what man, I just admitted to now liking Twilight which would then mean I'd be a TwiMom? Oh Hell no. I'm too old for this shit.